Us, too! So we turned to Carrie* for answers to life's big questions. She helped us – and she's here to help you, too.

My Mom keeps telling me that I need to love myself "just the way I am." But it's not that easy when I don't always feel good about myself. HELP!

Carrie: The first thing to ask yourself is this: what outside factors are increasing your negative thoughts and feelings about yourself? Are they inspired by things people have said? Skills that are challenging to master? Conflicts in your family or any other problems in your life? The first step is to get clear about where your feelings about not being ‘good enough’ are coming from. The second step is to get real about your expectations of yourself. Remember, you only have the power to change YOU. So, if these feelings are coming from not living up to some personal expectations, then make a plan about how to make positives changes. For instance, study for five extra minutes a day to improve a particular grade, or to learn a new skill that you've always wanted to master.

If these feelings are coming from being around certain people who make you doubt yourself, then experiment with hanging out with other groups or friends to see if you feel differently. Remember, you are awesome and you deserve to be around people who KNOW you are awesome. Learning to surround yourself with those who make you feel good, happy and appreciated is important for you now (and it will still matter when you are an adult).

What really matters: Knowing that ALL of us sometimes feel like we aren't "good enough." Negative or difficult feelings are part of being alive. Allow yourself to feel self-doubt but don't allow it to get you down - because you are bigger and better than your feelings at any one moment.

A REQUEST: I would love to hear if my "Ask Carrie" column is helpful to you. So drop me a line to let me know! I can’t wait to hear from you. cwicks@artspeaksconsulting.com

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What do I do if someone bullies me or is mean to me?

Carrie: First of all, you should know you are not alone. Lots of amazing women – including singer Taylor Swift, model Tyra Banks, and actress Kate Winslet, – tell us they were bullied when they were younger. That doesn't make it OK. It just means that other super-fierce girls (like you!) have gone through this.

Bullying can take many forms but no matter what it is hurtful, confusing and embarrassing. Bullies are often victims of bullying themselves – someone treated them badly so now they are treating you badly. Regardless of the bully's story, remember that their mean or angry behavior is not necessarily about you.

Don't give them your power by engaging in the fight or putting the bullier down (you are too awesome to stoop to their level). If someone tries to bully you, don't be afraid to say "What you're doing is not cool." Speak clearly and hold your ground. You can also change the subject or "get distracted" and walk away from the bully and the group. The most important thing to do is to focus on making other friends – friends who treat you like the great girl you are.

IMPORTANT:
Don't be afraid to share your problem with a grownup who can help you figure out how to deal with people who bully you or are mean. If you ever feel afraid, tell a teacher or parent right away.

What do I do if a good friend suddenly turns on me and starts to exclude me?

Carrie: All of us want to fit in and no one likes to feel left out! But DON'T jump to conclusions. Sometimes your BFF might be acting out because of things going on at home. Also, remember that tween and teen girls are always changing and growing (that includes you!). Sometimes all of us will feel closer to one friend, and not another. That's OK.

One way to avoid feeling left out is to have more than one BFF. Try not to become "exclusive" with any one person – there are lots of great girls to get to know. It's cool to explore different parts of yourself, and new friends can help you do that.

If a friend does turn on you (and yes, it's happened to all of us), take some time to feel sad about it. If you want to talk about it with that friend, let them know that you see that things between you have changed, but don't be angry or defensive. If this person is worthy of your friendship, they will keep the door open for you. If they can't or don't, don't hold a grudge or gossip about them. You are amazing and that means amazing new friends are around the corner!

What do I do if my friend is being mean and I'm afraid to tell her to stop?

Carrie: It really depends on what your friend is doing that is "mean." I define bullying as purposeful and repeated mean actions that are meant to hurt. The first thing for you to know is that bullying is never OK. But in figuring out how to handle things, it is important to determine if your friend is being mean deliberately and repeatedly. If this is a repeated action, talk to a trusted adult and get some support on how to handle the situation. You are welcome to email me if you want to discuss it further.

If your friend is mean once in a while, and it is a friendship you want to preserve, then I encourage you to have a conversation with her about "boundaries." You can say, "I don't really like it when you make fun of my clothes," or any other example that applies to you. Do your best to say it simply and without judgment. If your friend gets defensive, don't take back what you said, - stand your ground firmly. Remember, you deserve to be treated with respect, and sometimes you will need to ask for that respect!

Helpful Hint:
Practice expressing your boundaries about "little things" so that it becomes a regular part of how you communicate with friends and peers. Standing up for yourself is a "skill" you will never outgrow!

I always worry that I am not good enough. Sometimes I lie awake thinking about a grade I got on a test, even though it is too late to change it. How can I relax?

Carrie: Here's a tip for girls (and their parents) who need to relax when worries get the best of them. First. take a deep breath. Feel your breath all the way down to your belly button. Exhale slowly and as you exhale, focus all your attention on your breath. Inhale for 4 - 6 counts. Exhale again. Now, reconsider your question: what does being "good enough" mean to you? Personally, I try to live my life knowing that my best in one situation might not be the same in the next (and that's ok). So, take practical steps to improve things. If you are unhappy with a grade, decide on three things you can do to try for a better one next time. Write them down with a simple plan of action. Now, put that list on your desk and return to the breathing exercises we began with. This should energize you to take on the challenge next time and remind you that worrying about what is done is rarely helpfull (but totally normal).

RELAX AND REMEMBER:
You are not your grades, your successes, or your behavior. You are a special person who is growing and changing every day. Don't be too hard on yourself as you learn and improve. It's all a part of being human - and being a great girl.

I want us to recycle at home and it doesn't seem to be important to my parents. What should I do?

Carrie: Since we only have the power to change ourselves, I encourage you to start with YOU. You can have a recycling bin in your room. You can offer to set up a recycling station in your kitchen and take it upon yourself to sort through the trash. You can make creative signs that remind other family members to turn off lights and to turn faucets off when brushing teeth. The most important thing it to lead by example. So have fun encouraging shifts in your family's behaviors without being judgmental.

Sometimes practical reminders of why we need to "go green" help. Ask your parents if you can see the utility bills and make a graph of your family's usage to improve their awareness of what it costs the environment - and your family - to NOT go green. It's a great reminder that doing good helps us all do well.

THE GOOD NEWS:
Every pebble affects the ocean. So even if you are the only person in your house that takes living green seriously, you are making a difference!